


To Walk in the Sun

by QueenoftheTARDIS



Category: Ashes to Ashes (UK TV)
Genre: Bi-Curiosity, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexuality, Comfort, Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:22:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28289118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheTARDIS/pseuds/QueenoftheTARDIS
Summary: Set-immediately after 3x03. Shaz is feeling despondent, which prompts Alex to comfort her but in doing so Shaz reveals a hidden truth about herself in the process.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 5





	To Walk in the Sun

Shaz couldn’t help feeling miserable. What made it worse was that she was so naive to believe that they had a fighting chance. That somehow Labour would pull it around and win the general election, despite all the evidence to the contrary. _Guess being a detective ain’t for me after all_ , she lamented.

Being wrapped up in the arson case had taken her mind off the inevitable conclusion. But the exit poll brought her crashing back down to earth. It predicted Labour were set for the worst defeat in their history while the Conservatives were heading for a landslide 146-seat majority.

By now it was into the early hours of the morning and although around a hundred seats were yet to be called the race was all but over, Thatcher had won her majority and she would remain prime minister. Shaz resigned herself to another five years of Tory rule, hastily knocking back her glass of wine and contemplating ordering something far, far stronger.

The men, led by Ray and the Guv were currently engaged in a standing ovation to the desiccated handbag which was serving to boil her blood more than the results were doing.

_‘Her opinion? Based on what? What her bisexual mates down the wine bar are saying?’_ She couldn’t get what Ray had said earlier out of her mind, it wasn’t just the talking down to her, it was that one word.

_Bisexual_.

Shaz had known that she liked boys and girls in a romantic way since she was a teenager but she hadn’t come out anyone, certainly not to anyone in CID. So she wondered, more than a little fearfully, did he know about her sexuality or was he just insinuating about the types of people he’d imagine she hangs out with it?

Of course there was one person she was a little more open with. She looked over to where Alex Drake was sitting. She too had a look of resignation on her face. She clocked Shaz and tipped her glass in a gesture of mutual commiseration. Shaz felt slightly more comforted knowing that she wasn’t alone in feeling shite.

Shaz loved Alex in so many ways. She loved how intelligent she was, how confident and domineering she was, especially in the male-dominated world. She loved the androgynous style of clothing she had adopted this past year that both concealed and hugged her body at the same time. She loved Alex’s curves, how she towered over her, those cute dimples when she smiled…

‘There’s always next time.’ Alex said, not entirely convincingly. Of course she knew that in reality it would still be another fourteen years before Labour would win, and even then it wouldn’t be anything close to the socialist utopia Shaz hoped for. ‘Shaz?’

Shaz was so caught up in fantasising she hadn’t even realised that Alex had rejoined her at the table she had been sitting all by herself, let alone was trying to converse with her.

‘Uh yeah, next time,’ she said absentmindedly.

‘Another drink?’ Alex asked, sensing Shaz’s discontentedness.

‘Actually I might head home ma’am.’

‘Oh please stay Shaz, I need some company on a day like this.’

‘Alright, but I think I’ll need something stronger than this cheap wine if I’m staying here.’

Alex gave a nod in agreement and slammed her hand down on the bar, ‘Luigi, two glasses and a bottle of unpronounceable scotch!’

Shaz smiled. She really did love that woman.

‘RULE BRITANNIA, BRITANNIA RULE THE WAVES… duh duh NEVER EVER EVER WILL BE SLAVES!’ the half-cut men started loudly slurring.

Alex, Shaz and Luigi could do nothing but look on in abject revulsion at the grotesque display taking place in the trattoria.

‘Shaz, how about you and I retire to my flat? This place is starting to feel like a BNP rally.’

‘Please, anything to get away from these lot.’

* * *

‘Make yourself comfortable, I’ll get us some more wine.’ Alex said as she went to the kitchen, taking a bottle of wine from the fridge and two glasses from the cupboard.

‘Your flat’s beautiful ma’am, I love the artwork,’ she said, admiring a reproduction of a Braque piece Alex had bought last year.

Shaz had seen Alex’s flat loads of times, she had often been around to check up on Alex or take her back here when she was feeling unwell, but this it was the first time that Alex had properly invited Shaz into her home, so it was the first time she was inspecting the flat in any great detail.

‘Thank you Shaz, and call me Alex, please. We’re not at the station now.’

Alex said as she offered Shaz a glass of her favourite Sauvignon Blanc.

‘Thanks… Alex,’ Shaz said accepting the glass.

* * *

They had spent some more time idly chatting about nothing much in particular, content to just enjoy each other’s company. After a pleasant lull in the conversation Alex got up, ’How about some music?’

‘Brill,’ Shaz replied.

Alex went to the shelf where she kept the hi-fi, rummaging through her collection of cassettes to find the perfect mix tape for them.

Once she had chosen a decent tape she placed it carefully into the machine and pressed play.

‘Perfect,’ Alex said to herself as she heard the opening bars of the song.

_Let’s dance! Put on your red shoes and dance the blues…_

* * *

‘…SOME BOYS TAKE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL AND HIDE HER AWAY FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD. I WANT TO BE THE ONE TO WALK IN THE SUN, OH GIRLS THEY WANNA HAVE FUN. OH GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE. THAT’S ALL THEY REALLY WANT. IS SOME FUN. WHEN THE WORKING DAY IS DONE OH GIRLS THEY WANNA HAVE FUN…’

Alex and Shaz belted out the words to another song at each other, swaying their hips and raising their arms to the tune in pure euphoria, helped on by the abundance of wine they had drank. They were caught up in the moment, completely unconcerned with anything else in the world right now or by how loud they were being in the process.

* * *

Alex and Shaz fell into the sofa, completely knackered after their impromptu karaoke session. Alex went to take the clip out of her hair, as she let her hair down she ran her hand through her tousled fringe, shaking it slightly before tucking it behind her ear making Shaz’s heart skip a beat in excitement.

‘God, I needed that,’ Alex said.

‘Me too… even if it doesn’t change the inevitable.’

‘You know Shaz one of the very many things I admire about you is your optimism. Promise me you’ll never give up fighting. Because if you do, then what hope do the rest of us have?’

‘I’ll try, it’s just hard y’know. It’s feels like my future’s been cut off…’

‘Yeah, I know the feeling.’

‘The way you talk sometimes, there’s always been something different about you, hasn’t there Alex?’

‘I suppose so Shaz.’

‘You know… no, it’s silly…’

‘No, go on.’

‘You’re… enlightened, not like other people. It’s like you can see into the future.’

Alex let out a chuckle. ‘Who says I can’t?’ she said playfully.

‘I just want to know whether things will ever get better, for people like _us_.’

‘They will, maybe not as much as we might like, but they will,’ Alex said, not picking up on Shaz’s insinuation, but she could sense the atmosphere between them.

They were sat so close to each other, their knees were practically touching. They looked into each other’s rich hazel eyes. As Shaz slowly leant forward, Alex made no attempt to move herself away from her.

Inches felt like miles, as if time was frozen, but Shaz’s mouth finally make contact with Alex’s. Shaz closed her eyes, savouring the moment, Alex’s soft lips, her breath, her scent. If she had kept them open she would’ve seen the feat of aerobics Alex’s eyebrows were currently doing, they lept and fell in surprise with each new motion of Shaz’s delicate lips.

Finally Shaz broke away to catch her breath.

Alex wanted to tell Shaz how much she had enjoyed that kiss, how beautiful Shaz was but more importantly that she didn’t see Shaz and herself as anything more than good friends. Unfortunately for Alex she didn’t say any of that; instead Alex sat slack-jawed for what seemed like forever.

‘Uhhh…’ was all Alex’s brain could make her mouth utter.

‘Oh God, I’ve got it wrong. I’m so sorry ma’am, I didn’t… I wasn’t…’ Shaz said as she gathered up her coat and bag together in a fluster, quickly making her way to the door.

‘Shaz wait!’ Alex called out but Shaz was already running down the stairs with tears in her eyes.

* * *

Shaz sat on that old bench on the waterfront, Tower Bridge looming in the background. She needed the cold, early morning air to knock her about, sober her up. _How could I’ve have been so stupid?_ She asked her self over and over. Ever since Alex fell into her coma she’d wanted to resign and now that she was back and had given her confidence not to quit it looked like she’d get fired because of her.

_First the election, now Alex. If she couldn’t see things that were right in front of her face how was she ever going to make DC at this rate?_ She thought. In days gone by she would have Chris to console her in moments like these, when she felt low and worthless. Somehow he’d always manage to cheer her up. But now even he was gone, she had cast him away and now she had no one to turn to.

There was Julian, the poncey interior designer. Alex was right, she should dump him, as if her drunken confession of love for her wasn’t enough she didn’t know why she had even gone out with him in the first place, they had nothing in common. Besides, he couldn’t give her what she was looking for, thankfully they weren’t officially an ‘item’ and on the few dates they had been on he would barely let Shaz speak, droning on like he thought he was Oscar Wilde. It meant that she could break things off without too much trouble, she hoped. She needed someone who would look after, make her feel safe and wanted. After Operation Rose she was pretty sure that wasn’t Chris, and now it certainly wasn’t Alex, but there had to be someone.

She sat for ages, letting thoughts wash over her like the water in the Thames in front of her washed over the rocks. It wasn’t until the sun came up bathing her in dawn light that she realised she should go home and get a least a few hours of sleep.

* * *

Shaz woke up feeling rough, she never usually drank as much as she did last night and the lack of sleep didn’t help either. She got out of bed rummaging around her flat for an aspirin and a glass of water, trying to make as little noise as possible for fear of aggravating neither her throbbing headache nor her still sleeping flatmates.

She considered calling in sick. She didn’t exactly feel the full ticket, but her consternation was more to do with how she could ever look Alex in the eye again after last night. She picked up the receiver of her telephone and dialled Fenchurch.

_‘Fenchurch East Police Station, how can I help?’_ Viv’s soothing voice was a pleasant relief right now but she kept silent, still mulling just she was going to do in her head.

_‘Hello? Hello?’_

She had decided, slamming the receiver back down, foolhardily inflaming her sore head. But she had decided, she’d have to go into the office at some point and she figured there was no time like the present.

After quickly showering, getting dressed and eating as much toast as her body would allow her without throwing up she headed out the door. Her hangover wasn’t helped by the tube ride to the station with the carriage jostling and weaving, making her feel nauseous, but she had made it to the station in good time.

* * *

Shaz arrived at the double doors of CID and peering through the window she noted that Alex’s desk was thankfully absent its inspector. She assumed she must be out on a case already. Satisfied that she’d have at least a few hours before she’d have to confront the events of last night she made a beeline for the kitchenette for some caffeine to perk her up.

‘Morning Shaz. Fancy a cuppa?’ Alex said cheerily, as if the previous evening hadn’t even happened.

_Shit._

Well she couldn’t exactly back out now.

‘No…yes, I mean…. ma’am about last night—’

‘Shaz, honestly it’s fine.’

‘No I shouldn’t have done that.’

‘You were drunk, I was drunk, Maggie Thatcher’s the prime minister. All totally understandable. I’m flattered actually, between you and me, you’re a better kisser than my ex-husband.’

Alex could see her attempts to lighten the mood fell on deaf ears as Shaz remained unnervingly spaced-out.

‘You don’t mind then, about me being… _bisexual_?’

‘Oh Shaz come here.’ Alex said, pulling her into a hug. ‘I’ll always support you no matter what. No matter who you love.’

After a short while they let go of each other as Shaz remarked, ’Just as long as it’s not you.’

‘Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.’

‘No, I’m sorry. It’s just you always seem so open to different sexualities, not like anyone ‘round here.’

‘I still remember what you said during the Neary case “At the end of the day we’re all a bit of both.” I’ve had crushes on women before,’ Alex said, this time causing Shaz’s eyebrows to fly through the chequered ceiling, not only that Alex would be so candid in the workplace but that maybe her powers of deduction weren’t so bad after all. ‘I went to an all-girls school so my very first kiss was with another girl. But as I grew older I only ever went out with men, I got married to one and now…’

‘You’re holding out for someone else?’

‘Something like that.’ Alex said wistfully. ‘Have you come out to anyone else? Your parents? Chris?’

‘No one, you’re the first. I don’t think they’d take it well or Chris. I tried telling him when we were together but…’ she trailed off.

‘I understand, I can’t imagine how hard it must be. I’m proud you were able to tell me.’

‘Not exactly how I’d planned, but thank you ma’am.’

Alex smiled as rubbed Shaz’s arm tenderly before going back to making tea for the both of them.

‘Ma’am? You won’t tell anyone?’

Alex looked into Shaz’s eyes, ‘I promise. I won’t tell another soul.’

Shaz exhaled and in doing so it was like she was letting go of a weight that had been holding her down for her whole life. For a moment Shaz could’ve sworn she heard music as the whole room went dark.

_It’s a god awful small affair. To the girl with the mousy hair…_

‘What are you two ladies wittering on about?’ Gene’s gruff northern tones brought Shaz back to reality.

Alex without missing a beat said, ‘Shoes. And makeup. And how we’re plotting to bring down the patriarchy.’

‘Oh you are chirpy this morning Bols. Come on, there’s work to do,’ he said.

Alex gave an apologetic smile to Shaz as she was forced back to work with Gene in tow leaving Shaz alone to ponder on what exactly had just happened.

‘Granger!’ Hunt bellowed, sticking his head back around the wall.

‘Guv?’ Shaz tensed up again, worried that he had heard more of her and Alex’s conversation than he was letting on.

‘Tea, five sugars.’

‘Yes, Guv,' she smiled to herself. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed that, it’s probably the smuttiest I’ll ever get and even my fanfics I can’t let Alex and Shaz actually get together. But, I do think Shaz is bi in ‘canon’, whereas Alex although does have queer vibes I think is basically heterosexual (and she needs to end up with Gene) so this is what I like to imagine would’ve happened in continuity. 
> 
> If you do want a fan-fiction where Alex and Shaz do get it on, I highly recommend ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ by xx-Misty over on ff.net. Which, with the singing and the title, this story is very much an homage to.


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